Flying Under the Radar

What actually defines a parent as a good parent? A very good question and of course it can only be answered hypothetically because of everyone having a different view point of what a good parent is. The days of being a parent are actually harder than it was say 30 to 40 years ago. Instead of the simplicities, as movies show, of worrying our children are going to become tree-hugging hippies; we have to worry if our children are going to be killed, kidnapped, become murderers, or even worse an international or local terrorist. The worst part of being a parent is to realize that there is no true help on raising our children. What has been claimed to be government agencies that are there to help protect children and preserve the family, seems to be the greatest illusion of them all. So for viewing pleasure I am going to present a few cases that are publicly known and then a couple of cases that are not. Please make sure your hands and feet are in the appropriate areas as we take off on this lovely roller coaster ride called parenthood in the limelight.

In the first case I would like to present, imagine yourselves back in 1972. It is December and Christmas is just around the corner. Any child would be excited for this joyous occasion. Of course, during this time in age; kidnapping was not exactly a common thing. This was before hitchhikers became murderers and people drove around obviously huge vans. Steven Stayner was seven years old and on his way home from school. He was stopped by a man who posed to be with the church. The Stayner family would not see Steven again until he was fourteen. Even though his return was short lived, Steven did get to have a good life after his horrific ordeal. Steven passed away in 1989 due to a motorcycle accident.

The second case I would like to present took place in Boulder, Colorado. In 1996, the world got to view a beautiful, blonde-haired, girlall over every news channel. Her name would never be forgotten, JonBenet Ramsey. The six year old girl, who was known from being in beauty contests, was found murdered in her own home.No one had ever been brought to justice for the murder.

The third case will take us to 1999. Moving a bit from Boulder, Colorado and going to Littleton, Colorado. I was a senior in high school that year and I remember getting the dreaded news of what happened at Columbine High School. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold killed a total of 13 people before killing themselves. Afterwards, it became known that Eric Harris was taking an anti-depressant called Luvox and had been in anger management therapy. Many speculate the real reason why the boys shot up their high school but unfortunately the answer to the golden question died with the boys.

The fourth case will take us to 2008 in Orlando, Florida. A reported kidnapping of two year old Caylee Anthony would lead investigators to later find the body of the child five months later. The mother, Casey, was tried for first degree murder but was acquitted. The parents claimed that seizures, partying, and postpartum depression as possible reasons of why Casey might have been involved and why Caylee died.

The fifth case leads us to Kansas City, Missouri in 2011. An eleven month old baby was reported missing from her home by her parents. However, there are some inconsistencies that are in the facts that the mother stated about the case. The baby has yet to be found but is an ongoing investigation.

Knowing these familiar cases some would look at this as sometimes bad things just happen to some people. In one case, that statement can honestly be said, at least for now. But looking at the other cases and seeing how some agencies work with others that are not so publicized, you have to wonder how some people fly under the radar while others are not so lucky.

In the case involving Steven Stayner, the honest to God truth is the boy trusted someone he shouldn’t have. It wasn’t at no fault of his own. At that time and age, there was no worries about kidnapping or pedophilia. Unfortunately in today’s world, it is just as common as the flu.

The case involving JonBenet Ramsey, even though the murderer has not been brought to justice, in my opinion as a parent could have had a different outcome. I have three beautiful daughters. I would never have thought to enter one of them into a beauty contest even if I did think they could win. Children are supposed to be able to have fun and not worry about such things as that. However, I am not from a well-to-do family so the idea of enrolling my children in violin lessons and such is not even crossing my mind naturally. I am more worried about their education than extra-curricular activities. There is a thought though, if Patsy Ramsey had kept her daughter out of such a limelight, there is a huge possibility that JonBenet would still be alive and thriving. Of course, if the murderer was someone in their neighborhood, she still would have been seen playing and what not. You have to wonder the possibilities and choices.

The case involving Eric Harris is the most difficult in my view. Not because I had a friend that was killed in the shootings but also because Eric Harris was a troubled teen with depression. In light of what happened, a lot of scrutiny came upon those that have mental health issues. I will say I have bipolar and I took similar types of medications. But, my case was handled by many different people including my family. Eric Harris, it seems, was left alone in the dark. Looking into the Colorado State Statutes about Child abuse and neglect and those who are mandatory to report possible disturbing behaviors, I see a lot of responsibility that should be placed upon the therapist that was seeing Eric Harris. Naturally by law, the therapist has the right to speak to Child Protective Services, the school, and his parents about his care. Considering that he was taking an anti-depressant, Child Protective Services could have met with the family concerning Eric’s behavior and feelings and created a family plan to help the entire family cope and deal with the situation at hand. The school being notified could have helped the family and Eric by being able to observe his behavior at school and possibly have stopped any antics that was going on at school, especially the claim that he was being bullied by many of the jocks at the school. As my grandparents and parents did, my medication was observed being taken and the bottles were kept out of my reach and refilled accordingly. I am not sure whether his parents were active in his medication like this but one has to assume with the low levels in his blood stream at the time of death, that it was more likely that they weren’t.

The case involving Caylee Anthony is painful. There are many reasons why red flags should have been flown and Child Protective Services notified. I am not saying that it is easy being a parent. But most parents will tell you as they go that the day that your child is born is usually the day that your social activities usually do not continue. There is no doubt in my mind that I am sure that Casey Anthony loved her daughter. I do however think that she was an overwhelmed single parent that got frustrated by the fact that she was young and responsible for a young life. I cannot say if I believe that she killed her daughter or not. Though I do think that if she did not, if she would have just came forward with the truth instead of making up fantastic stories, then she would not have looked so guilty. If her parents truly believed this was due to postpartum depression or even seizures, then maybe they should have helped her to find the help that she needed and make sure she went for the safety of the child. If she didn’t, as much as I personally do not like to deal with Child Protective Services, I would have called them to notify them that there is possible danger to the child. This might have guaranteed a better fighting chance for little Caylee.

As for the recent kidnapping in Kansas City, I pray that the media is doing just what the media usually does. Make a mountain out of a mole hill. I pray the little baby is returned safely.

So what makes a good parent? Hypothetically, I believe a good parent is one that worries about that child/ren every moment of the day even when they sleep. They worry if they are cold, warm, have enough clothes, food, a decent shelter over the heads, and anything else that they need. A parent would not worry about doing such things as taking a car loan as long as it abled the child/ren to have what they needed (not wanted. There is a HUGE difference.)

What makes a good agency as an advocate for children? An agency that does not ignore signs that a child might be in danger is a good agency. The agency would not waste its time on investigating a person that does not need it and actually step in to help a child that lived with drug addicts. The agency would not ignore the signs of child abuse just so that they can go after children that would prove better for their state funding. We do know that once the child is taken by the state, the state receives certain funding for the child’s care as well as when they are put into foster care, the parents receive money as well.

So the question was how do some people fly under the radar while others are not so lucky? Here is my hypothetical answer: because the ones that fly under the radar can usually afford an attorney or their children are so sick it would be a wasted cause. In my opinion, if that is the real reason, that is just sick. I believe that we, the people, should stand up and fight against injustices to our children and fight against the law makers to change the laws. Most that uphold the law are proven that they do not have children. Maybe that is why they are less inclined to help a family stay together. They wouldn’t understand a parent and their dedication if it were a hole in the ground.

So I implore you, stand up and become an active person in your community. Get to know the children that surround you. The old saying ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ is very true. Keep an eye out for each other and offer help and support. Become an advocate for children and enroll in programs such as Big Brothers or Big Sisters. Those children are our future. If we abuse that then our future will never change and the cycle in which we are in will just continue. Give our children something better to believe in. Bring them to the light.